Harry's Nighttime Adventure
by alBBie
Summary: Hermione suddenly released her hair from the ponytail it had been in. She shook it, almost in slow motion, and licked her lips seductively and leaned in to kiss him Also Draco and Hermione's Nighttime Adventures, and more to come if they get reviews...
1. Harry's Nighttime Adventure

**Summary: **A very odd experience Harry has one day. And I mean _very_ odd. One-shot, read and **review**!

**Disclaimer: **Yo tengo nada... (I know it doesn't mean "I own nothing" but it was as close as I could get with my limited Spanish vocabulary!)

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Both sides of Harry's face were burning as the snow seeped into his skin, stinging it and beginning to rip him of all feeling. He sat up in the waist-deep snow surrounding the Hogwarts grounds just to find Malfoy and his stupid, fat friends laughing obnoxiously loudly at him from the shore of the lake. Fuming, he got up and began to stomp toward the castle, pressing so hard on the snow that he fell in to his mid-thigh with every step he took, making Malfoy and Company laugh even harder. Harry stared at them with daggers for eyes as they started to walk across the ice of the lake. They got to the middle and Malfoy stood, straight and tall, staring at the suddenly _very_ gray sky. Crabbe and Goyle stood next to him for a few seconds before oddly falling through the ice and into the freezing water. This time it was Harry's turn to double over in laughter.

But he had the last laugh as he watched Crabbe and Goyle mysteriously climb out of their respective holes that they had fallen through, Malfoy receiving applause for their actions. Why were they applauding for him? Harry was wondering. Out of nowhere, girls skidded across the ice, throwing parchment and quills at Malfoy for him to sign.

Shrugging, Harry walked less angrily to the icy steps to enter the building. He ascended them without slipping, thankfully- though everyone was so engrossed in Malfoy that they probably wouldn't have noticed if he fell on his face and there was blood spewing everywhere- and then opened one of the large doors into the Entrance Hall. Harry almost fell over backwards when he saw what was inside. The room was decorated with huge palm trees, and the climate had changed easily to that of a tropical island in the Caribbean. The doors to the Dining Hall were opened, and they revealed a room full of tables with white table cloths, various Hogwarts students and teachers mingled with celebrities, chatting casually as though they saw each other everyday and eating gourmet foods. The song "Drop it Like it's Hot" was playing loudly in the background, but Harry couldn't see whether or not it was being performed live. He looked at the ground again and saw that it had now turned into sand. When he looked up, Draco Malfoy was descending the grand marble staircase in a pair of beach trunks, showing off an extremely toned stomach. His arm was linked with that of another girl. He looked at her face and almost fainted again, for the girl was Hermione! She was wearing a _very_ skimpy bikini and a short sarong. Harry was about to say something when someone standing close to the entrance of the Dining Hall caught his eye. It was one of the celebrities... Britney something... But he couldn't for his life remember her last name.

_When the pimp's in the crib ma_

_Drop it like it's hot_

_Drop it like it's hot_

"Harry! Hey! Listen, I'm really sorry about that snowball earlier today," Malfoy said, patting Harry on the shoulder as though they were old friends.

_Drop it like it's hot_

"Oh, it's okay. But why is Britney-" he started.

_When the pigs try to get at ya_

_Park it like it's hot _

Park it like it's hot 

"Harry, aren't you hot?" Hermione questioned in a husky, seductive voice that was very unlike her usual one. What had gotten into her? She started to slowly pull of Harry's layers of clothing until he was in nothing but his boxers.

_Park it like it's hot_

"Er... I don't have a bathing suit to wear... And why is Britney-" he couldn't get that stupid girl out of his brain.

"It's quite alright, Harry," Hermione said, suddenly releasing her hair from the ponytail it had been in. She shook it, almost in slow motion, letting it cascade down her shoulders. She licked her lips seductively and leaned in to kiss him, but when their lips were merely half a centimeter apart, she whipped her head around and started making out with Malfoy a little bit too intimately.

When they finally pulled apart, Malfoy started talking to him. "Uh, I'm a nice dude, with some nice dreams. I got my ice cubes, see these ice creams? Eligible bachelor, million dollar boat that's whiter than what's spilling down your throat." He spun around quickly and darted off into the Dining Hall, Hermione at his heels. When he peered shyly- he was still only wearing his boxers- into the room, he saw Malfoy on a huge stage, lights flashing on him from all directions, rapping and wearing lots of huge diamond necklaces, _very_ baggy jean shorts, and immaculately white Nike sneakers. In the background several scantily clad girls including Hermione, Ginny, Cho, and Pansy were all shaking their asses against each other and against Malfoy.

Suddenly someone threw themselves onto the stage out of the audience and started yelling in Malfoy's face. It took a minute for Harry to realize that it was Ron! Now Crabbe and Goyle, dressed in all black outfits and bore the word "Security" over their chests and upper backs pushed the two apart before they started to get into a fistfight, which Malfoy would obviously win because he had a weapon: the jagged jeweled rings he bore on his fists that would rip Ron's skin to ribbons if he punched him.

Somehow uninterested, Harry turned and walked slowly up the marble staircase, forgetting about his clothes that he left behind and leaving small tracings of sand where his feet had stepped. He turned a corner on the second floor of the school to find that it had suddenly been transformed into a huge casino with everything from blackjack to poker to slot machines to drinks. The one downside was that this time the music blaring form the speakers was Avril Lavigne's "My Happy Ending"- very un-casino-ish.

_You were everything, everything that I wanted_

Harry grimaced at the sound of Avril's incessant wails and then jumped when someone spun him around. It was Hermione. She leant in closely to him, this time actually kissing him and it continued for several minutes straight until she stopped and smiled at him. With that, she turned and ran out of the casino, disappearing around a corner.

_We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it_

"Huh," was Harry's reaction. He scratched the side of his head and then decided to get a drink. He plopped down on a bar stool at the bar a few yards away and ordered himself a butterbeer. He turned to his left and saw Dean Thomas looking upset as he drank a small glass containing ice and a thin brown liquid.

"Trying to cut back on the alcohol, eh?" Dean inferred.

"What?" was Harry's response.

"You're getting a butterbeer."

Harry nodded, very confused. He took a sip of butterbeer to clear his thoughts.

_And all of the memories so close to me just fade away_

"This is him!"

Suddenly Harry was grabbed by someone behind him and thrown off the stool, spilling butterbeer all over the scratchy green and gold rug.

"Put your hands up!" a cloaked figure commanded.

Harry threw his hands above his head as he got pinned on the ground. He found that he was somehow wearing a business suit, and it was being checked hastily. A piece of parchment emerged from his pocket.

"This is it!" another cloaked figure said, examining the document.

_All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending. _

"Seamus Finnigan, you're under arrest for the stealing of a fancy document," the first cloaked figure informed him, pulling a feeble Harry off the ground and pinning his arms behind his back.

Harry didn't care that they had gotten his name wrong, he just didn't understand what this "fancy document" was. "What is this thing?" he voiced his question. "This... this... document thing." He felt annoyingly inarticulate.

_It's nice to know that you were there_

_Thanks for acting like you cared_

_And making me feel like I was the only one_

_It's nice to know we had it all_

_Thanks for watching as I fall_

_And letting me know we were done_

Harry could feel hundreds of eyes staring at him as the cloaked figures pushed him roughly out of the casino and down the marble staircase. The Entrance Hall was back to normal again- no sand or palm trees- but the Dining Hall was still filled with music ("_Shorty got down low and said come and get me. I was so caught up, I forgot she told me. Her and my girl used to be the best of homies. Next thing I knew, she was all up on me screaming yeah, yeah, yeah."_), celebrities, and wizards.

_You were everything, everything that I wanted_

_We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it_

_And all of the memories so close to me just fade away_

_All this time you were pretending_

As they pushed Harry out of the doors to Hogwarts and into the frigid night air, telling him of his doom at Azkaban that was now awaiting him, he caught a glimpse of Malfoy and Hermione hooking up again before she flashed him a sly smile.

_So much for my happy ending_

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Suddenly Harry shot up in bed, wiping sweat from his brow, glancing frantically around him. No palm trees. No music. No hooking up Malfoy and Hermione. No Azkaban. It had been a dream :)

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**A/N: **The end! If people actually review it :-/ I'll write Draco's Nighttime Adventure, Hermione's Nighttime Adventure, Ron's Nighttime Adventure, etc. Whatever you want! Just review it xD


	2. Draco's Nighttime Adventure

**A/N: **Yay thanks to my three reviewers!!!!

**KittKatMcNamara: **Hahahhahhahaha I really think that Shomari and Kaleem (is that his name?) should have won. He was such a good dancer! But you're right, Murch and Ethan almost kissing was something I'll always remember. LMFAO!

**LiLiLuLaByE-13: **No, I wasn't high, but I'm glad you enjoyed it! Your review was so nice! Thanks so much! I had a dream last night that I saw everyone at camp and you and Sharon were talking to each other in Italian! It was funny. I like your story even though Lucius might be a bit old haha. But I love _anything_ with Draco in it ;)

**Satan Barbie: **Yay! I feel like you haven't reviewed me in ages! Haha. Anyway, thanks so much for the review. The story was supposed to be weird :)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Draco Malfoy or any of the character's from Harry Potter, nor do I own any of the characters from American Dreams or anything I mention having to do with pop culture from any time period or Buffy Summers.

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Draco's Nighttime Adventure 

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Draco was sitting on one of the many leather couches in the Malfoy Manor examining his hand. For some reason he only had four fingers on his left hand. Huh.

"Can I help you?"

Draco looked up. He suddenly had gotten very cold. He looked at his hands. He had five fingers on each one but now they had gloves on them. Weird.

"Excuse me? Sir?"

He was standing at someone's front door. There was a girl talking to him and wearing weird Muggle clothing. Weirder.

"I'm looking for Meg Pryor," he said. Who's Meg Pryor? He didn't even know. But he knew he had to find her. Whoever she was.

"Oh, um, that's me," said the girl standing inside. Her hair had too much hairspray in it.

"Well, I'm looking for you."

"Okay..." She looked very confused. She was turning red. Almost as red as the Weasel.

Draco sighed. "Well, can I come in?"

"Who are you?"

"Draco Malfoy."

She looked even more confused. Well, obviously. What in hell kind of name was "Draco Malfoy"?

"Is everything alright, Meg?"

A guy stepped into the doorway carrying a baby and wearing some weird, official-looking Muggle uniform of some sort. If Draco was ever going to have a gay moment ever in his life, he decided it would be now. This guy was _hot_.

"I need to find Meg Pryor. From East Catholic." He really needed to find this girl. It was important-

"Well this-"

"It's an important message from the king."

"The king!"

Instantly the two from inside the house bent low to the ground, the man somehow finding the ability to bend over while wearing an odd contraption on his leg and not crushing the baby.

"I can't... I can't seem to remember what he wanted me to tell you... But it was important. And he really wanted me to find Meg Pryor. From East Catholic."

The girl- Meg- started whimpering into the ground.

"He knows, he knows!" she sobbed. "He knows about Chris and- and the recruiting center! He knows!"

"No, I don't think that was it-" Draco tried to say.

"He knows!" she cried.

The man sat up, still holding the baby. "He knows what? What happened at the recruiting center, Meg? WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Suddenly someone ran by Draco so quickly that he knocked him over. It was another man who looked older than the one with the baby, but he was wearing a uniform similar to the baby-carrier's, only the color was different and there were different symbols on it. He pulled Meg off the ground.

"I knew it! Muhuhahahahaha! I knew you were at the recruiting center; not Roxanne's house! HA! HA! HA! _I _told this man to tell you there was an important message from the king so that you would confess that YOU and CHRIS were at the recruiting center when it burned down!" the second man in uniform cried.

"DON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING, MEG! DON'T TELL HIM! DON'T TELL HIM! DON'T TELL HIM! DON'T TELL HIM!" Another man- this one looking about Meg's age- had appeared in the kitchen and run into the hallway, panting and screaming.

By now Meg was bawling her eyes out. "It's too late! It's too late!" she was sobbing. The third man ran to comfort her and hugged her, as the two men in uniform looked at them with cold eyes.

A girl descended the steps, wearing a fluffy and flowing white dress. "I'm ready, JJ," she announced.

"Beth, you look... beautiful," replied the man with the baby, almost breathless.

The girl in the wedding dress- Beth, was her name?- looked at Draco, smiling and handing him a pillow with two rings on it. "Are _you_ ready, Draco?" she questioned.

"What?" Draco gasped. "I'm just a messenger for the king!"

"That was a lie, Draco, a lie," Beth said soothingly. The room melted from the Pryor house to a church. "Uncle Pete was tricking you; it was a lie, a lie."

"Here comes the bride" was now filling the room. Beth and JJ were standing at the front of the church, smiling at each other. The rest of the people gazed at Draco expectantly. He was confused. What was he supposed to do? He walked up the aisle quickly and handed Beth the pillow. "Here's your pillow, Beth," he said quietly. "I-I'm not sure what to do... with it... I'm sorry to let you down."

She looked at him with kinky fire in her eyes before making out with JJ very intensely. Their lip smacking was so loud that the priest's announcing of man and wife was barely audible. Then came the waterworks from Meg, a woman with fake eyelashes and too much eye shadow on, a girl with dark brown hair and a large nose, and even a short man with a huge nose. And then the rest of the room joined in. Including the second man in uniform, who he inferred was "Uncle Pete".

The church melted from view and he found himself still bundled up in his winter Muggle clothing even though he was now standing in the middle of the Slytherin common room.

"Come here, tiger," someone said from off to his far right. He spun around; it was Pansy. She growled at him. She was wearing his cloak open, with nothing on but lacy underwear beneath it.

His heart sped up.

"How about over here?"

Exactly across from Pansy was Hermione, standing in her own outfit in front of another door.

"What about here?"

Ginny Weasley was directly behind him-

"Come over here, Drackie-baby."

Cho Chang was across from him-

"Here-"

Millicent Bulstrode-

"Look this way-"

Angelina Johnson-

"Right over-"

Katie Bell-

"Or what about-"

Suddenly the room exploded in a million pieces of bright white light. A bra landed on his head and he found himself sitting on a small bed in a small room. There was a girl on a bed next to his, eating an apple and looking at a box containing lots of little people.

She bit into the apple and suddenly he felt a little-

The girl dropped the apple into a trashcan and suddenly the room was black. Nothing could be seen. He felt her breath on his face and soon he could taste the apple in his own mouth. It was delicious.

"Who are you?" he managed to ask.

"Buffy. The Vampire Slayer."

"The what?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Malfoy. Anyway, we shouldn't be doing this. It isn't right." She sounded a bit too calm to be concerned.

"O-okay."

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He sat up in his bed, panting. It was a dream. A very odd one, but then a very good one. If only he was in that room full of girls again...

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**A/N: **The end! Hahahaha. I enjoyed writing it. I have a new obsession with American Dreams, so that's why I put that stuff in. And I've always liked to write about Draco kissing people or getting horny. It's just so funny :) Please review! Thanks so much!


	3. Hermione's Nighttime Adventure

**A/N: **I know I have very few reviews for this story, but I'm feeling a writer's block for my two main stories right now, so I decided to continue this. And I'm having a moral dilemma about whether or not to post each chapter as a separate story or to just keep it all in one… Hmm… I'm not going to respond to the reviews because they were all written over a year ago and that's just kind of weird…

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter characters/locations belong to JK Rowling, Star Wars characters/planets belong to George Lucas, Lost characters belong to… er… whoever owns them, and OC characters/costumes belong to Josh Schwartz, I think? And _Bittersweet Symphony_ belongs to The Verve.

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**Hermione's Nighttime Adventure**

Hermione sighed to herself as she wandered through the dimly lit corridors. She was making the transition from her Potions class to her Transfiguration class. It was interesting to have one class with her least favorite teacher and then the next with her favorite one. It suddenly occurred to her that the corridors were completely abandoned, save for the portraits snoozing in their frames. She stopped in the middle of the hall, confused. She shrugged and just figured the paintings had had a late night, or something. She turned and pulled back a tapestry behind which a staircase was hidden. She stepped into the open space and fell. She suddenly started floating through darkness. She was very confused. She felt rather like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, at the beginning part where she's falling through all those clocks and chairs and things. How odd.

She suddenly blinked and was sitting in the middle of a vast desert that seemed to go one forever. She must have dropped her books and bag during the fall because they were nowhere to be seen. She stood up and brushed her skirt off daintily. Someone whizzed by her on what looked like a hover mo-ped of sorts.

"Wait!" she cried, running helplessly after them. "Wait! Please help me!"

She could see the dot which was the person on the hover thing stop growing smaller. It started becoming bigger. Soon it was next to her. A rather attractive man – save for his rat tail and strange inability to stop grinding his teeth – wearing a long black cloak was sitting on it.

"Hi," she said. "I'm lost. Where am I?"

"You're on Tatooine," the man responded. "Now would you please stop bothering me and let me go about my business? I have a mother to save." He started to rev up his engine.

"Wait!" she repeated. "Take me with you. I'm lost!"

"Fine," he said grouchily.

She climbed on the back of his hover scooter contraption and they zipped off through the desert on this… "Tatooine." Whatever that was.

When they finally reached their destination, a village nestled between some huge rock formations, the man got off the hover scooter and told her to stay on it. He started tiptoeing through the village. He pulled a small cylinder out of his pocket. It suddenly extended to become the size of a sword, but what would have been the blade was instead a glowing red beam. He cut a hole in one of the huts and climbed inside. Hermione waited on the hovering scooter for what felt like ages until the man suddenly came out of the hut, grinding his teeth again, and went on a mad rampage, killing all of these weird cloaked figures that were popping out of nowhere. Hermione gasped and closed her eyes reflexively.

When she opened them, she was in a dark, empty room. She was wearing a weird outfit with a big mask on that distorted her voice. This time she knew exactly what she was doing. She had to save Han. He was frozen in carbon and stuck against the wall like artwork. He may be very attractive and the love of her life, but his image, forever stuck in a distorted, painful figure should be considered anything but artwork. She knew exactly what she was doing when she unfroze him. He fell from the wall, shaking. She pulled off her mask seductively, shaking her head so her hair fell about her face.

"Is that you, Leia?" Han asked weakly.

Hermione was confused. Leia? Who the hell was Leia?

Suddenly an evil, guttural laugh filled the room and a horrible, slug-like creature appeared, surrounded by a whole group of other weird creatures, none as disgusting as he. Hermione screamed, letting her voice fill the room and beyond the reaches of the galaxy, so everyone, everywhere could hear her. Including Leia, that whore.

She was lying in sand again. She had stopped screaming. Now all she could hear was the sound of waves crashing somewhere nearby. She opened her eyes. The sun was too bright so she sat up. She was on a deserted beach.

"You all everybody… You all everybody…" she could hear someone singing.

Nevermind.

The person came into view. It was a short man in a baggy sweatshirt with a shaggy beard and messy blonde hair.

"Hermione," he said. "We've been looking all over for you. Where have you been?"

"Tatooine," she explained.

"It was just a dream, Hermione," the blonde man explained, holding out a hand and helping her up. "You're not in Star Wars land anymore."

"Huh?"

The man led her further along the beach.

"Who are you?" she asked.

He stopped, faced her, and grabbed her shoulders. "Hermione, have you gone mad? It's me, Charlie."

"I don't know who you are."

"This must be some after effect of the crash…" Charlie said, more so to himself than to Hermione. "You need to see the doctor."

He continued leading her along the beach until they finally reached a highly populated area. There was another man with shaggy blonde hair sitting in an airplane chair, a man with short, dark hair and a five-o-clock shadow crouched down in front of him, handing him a pair of glasses, and a woman with long, wavy brown hair and a highly unfashionable outfit, in Hermione's book. Charlie rushed toward them.

"Jack!" Charlie said.

The crouched man held a piece of paper in front of the airplane chair man's face.

"Very funny," airplane chair man said to crouched man, after reading the piece of paper.

Crouched man stood up.

"Jack," Charlie said, approaching the now standing crouched man.

"Yeah, Charlie?" Jack responded.

"Something's wrong with Hermione."

A fat guy walked by airplane chair man.

"Dude, it looks like someone steamrolled Harry Potter," he said.

Wavy hair girl laughed.

"Wait!" Hermione cried. "Harry Potter! He's my friend! How do you know him?" She ran up to the fat guy.

"What? Harry Potter's a character in a book, Hermione," the fat guy said. "You don't know him."

"Yes I do! He's not a character in a book. Why do you all think I'm crazy?"

"It's just an after effect of the crash, most likely," Jack said, approaching Hermione. "It's nothing to be concerned about."

"Come to think of it," the fat guy said, "Her name _is_ Hermione. And she looks an awful lot like the Hermione described in the book."

"What are you talking about!" Hermione screamed.

"Hurley does have a point," said wavy-haired girl.

Jack approached Hermione and looked at her curiously. "I guess so."

Suddenly a pregnant girl ran out of the woods and started screaming. Everyone on the beach then joined in and started screaming.

"HARRY POTTER'S COME TO LIFE!" the fat guy – Hurley? – cried.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" yelled wavy-haired girl.

"DON'T LET VOLDEMORT COME AND ATTACK US!" screamed airplane chair man.

"Can I have your autograph?" Charlie asked. Then he, too, started screaming, and the whole beach group, including the pregnant girl ran into the ocean and started swimming as quickly as they could away from the beach.

"What did I do? I'm not a character from a book!" Hermione screeched.

"Use the Force…" a foggy voice said from somewhere to her right.

She snapped to her right. A translucent, hooded figure was standing a few feet away.

"Use the Force, Hermione," it advised. "Use the Force…" He suddenly disappeared.

"Wait! No! Come back!" she cried.

She collapsed into the sand in a heaping, shaking heap of Hermione tears. She sobbed into her hands. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She gasped and looked up. Viktor Krum was standing above her.

"Viktor!" she whispered loudly, wiping her eyes.

"Ello, Herm-own-ninny," he said.

She started crying again. "Why can't someone just pronounce my name right?"

"Shut up, Ms. Granger," Snape snapped from the front of the room. She was back in her Potions class.

"Yes, Professor Snape?" her eyes were dry and she regained her composure.

"I said SHUT UP!" he screamed.

Ron jumped on his desk. "You all, everybody!" he sang. "You all, everybody! Acting like you stupid people, wearing expensive clothes!"

"Ugh," Hermione groaned to herself. "Not that stupid song again."

"What, you don't like Driveshaft, Hermione?" Ron asked.

"Not particularly," she said obnoxiously.

"What is WRONG with you, Ms. Granger?" Snape asked.

"No, what's wrong with you, _Severus_?" she questioned daringly. "You yell at me for being upset that Viktor Krum can't pronounce my name, and then Ron jumps on his desk and starts singing bad British pop Oasis-wannabe music and you don't even CARE!"

"Damn straight, bitch," Snape said.

"VIKTOR KRUM?" squealed Lavender. "WHERE?"

"He's gone, stupid," Hermione said angrily. "Gone, gone, gone, gone, GONE."

"Wow, bitter, much?" Lavender retorted.

"'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life…" Ron sang, sitting down on his desk.

"God, SHUT UP, RON!" Hermione snapped, standing up and stomping out of the room.

_Try to make ends meet. You're a slave to money then you die-ie._

She walked down the dungeon hallway in slow motion. Everyone poked their heads out of their classrooms and stared at her.

_I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down._

They followed her up the steps to the Great Hall.

_You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah._

She entered the Dining Hall and there was a huge concert going on. The slow motion stopped. Ron was singing. Oh, God.

"No change, I can change, I can change, I can change, but I'm here in my mold. I am here in my mold," he sang. "But I'm a million different people from one day to the next. I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no."

Everyone around her was suddenly wearing superhero clothing. Hermione looked down. She was wearing some sort of Wonder Woman outfit gone horribly wrong in a pink and black, sparkly, bondage way.

A tall, gawky man approached her. "Want to dance, Little Miss Vixen?" he asked.

Hermione had no idea who he was, but he was sexy. "Sure," she said, winking at him.

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Hermione's eyes sprung open. She was in a dark room – not again. But she then realized she was in her bed. No mosh pits or obnoxious singing or beaches or foreign galaxies and planets. Nothing. Thank God.

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**A/N: **I don't even know how I feel about that. Please review! I'm sorry if the Driveshaft lyrics were wrong… I'll check them when I have my Lost DVD with me again.


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